Pelosi Shuts Down Social Security Payments for Two Months

Lately, it’s apparent that our country is going through a lot of hardship and sacrifice in order to make our
way sagely as possible through the current pandemic crisis. Schools have been closed, concerts
canceled, and sources have reported that quirky millionaire Elon Musk is sprayed down six times a day
by a professional detox team loaded with sanitizing soap. Precautions are at an all-time high.

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Now, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has deemed it necessary to shut down the Social Security
administration for at least two months starting in April, reasoning that if the elderly, who are at high risk
for infection, don’t have their supplemental retirement income to spend, they will be less likely to leave
their homes and therefore, less likely to become afflicted.


Head of Senior Safety at the CDC Sandu Batt agrees with the Speaker:

“It would be a safe way to keep the oldest of us in their houses and
Unaffected. If their disposable income is removed, and many Trump
supporters do not really need it anyway, or so they say because they trust
him to make them rich, and all the better. Call it a forced economic
quarantine, if you will. We’ll see where we are in a couple of months.
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They’ll be fine. I think.”
With all offices closed an no payments going out, Pelosi has also
suggested that the government use the 60 days of extra funding to cover
green initiatives and perhaps square up a few of her outstanding bar tabs.


  1. How about we quarantine the congress’s paychecks cause we all know you people don’t need it since most of you are millionaires anyway. Leave our social security alone!!

  2. Thousands of elderly people rely on that money to buy food and to pay rent! Stop trying to punish the elderly because of your hate for Trump and his supporters. How about we demand that you not get a paycheck for a whole damn year? After all what the hell have you done for the American people accept screwing us over and over again?

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